The Great Divorce

Jeff Bezos isn’t my favorite guy, but he has ability and has built something useful. And an ugly, contested divorce would be harsh and unfair to the children, who have done nothing  wrong.

But I don’t care.  The thought of tens of billions of dollars being spent on lawyers and PIs offer the possibility of a spectacle that will live forever, far wilder than the antics of Nero or Caligula.  It could make Suetonius look like Pilgrim’s Progress.

Have you ever wondered whether tens of thousands of divorce lawyers should be organized into legions or phalanxes?  This is our chance to finally find out.


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87 Responses to The Great Divorce

  1. S3 says:

    I have a confession to make. When I first heard of it I thought that, well, he is known to be hyper-competitive, so now that he is the richest man on the planet, what is left for him to do? I predicted that he had political ambitions. If you are angry at POTUS, why not become POTUS? I further predicted that he would hire D. E. Shaw as his science adviser and tell him, “I’m your boss now, boss!” And that he had divorced his wife just to protect his family’s privacy.

    And then I learn about his sexting.

    What a disappointment.

    • Zeinish says:

      What exactly did you expected?

      News flash: even billionaires are pathetic bundles of flesh like the rest of us. For another example, check the story how was El Chapo was caught.

      There are no supermen, no aliens, no positronic brains, no Illuminati, no lizard overlords to guide us. We are on our own.

  2. Coagulopath says:

    Bezos’s wife stands to become the richest woman EVER from this. By a factor of two! #girlboss #leanin #glassceiling

    The President weighs in: Trump wishes Bezos luck on divorce: ‘It’s going to be a beauty’

    • ziel says:

      I would say that those comments alone are worth having The Donald in the White House, but then when I think of all the harm to America’s national security that will happen as a result of him pulling out of Syria, I quickly check myself.

      • mtkennedy21 says:

        Not all of us are worried.

        • Zeinish says:

          If anyone needs to be worried, it’s the Kurds. But, if the worst comes to worst, they will at least provide another proof for the world it is better to cuddle a cobra than rely on United States. The fate of South Vietnam is forgotten by now, another lesson what it means to be “American ally” is needed.

          • Thiago Ribeiro says:

            Maybe the South Vietnamese should have fought. They had twenty years and thousands of American lives to defeat the Communists.

            • mtkennedy21 says:

              The Kurds have been there for thousands of years. There is some evidence that the US soldiers are being quietly replaced by Gulf Arabs. Not all that seems to be is real.

            • rjjcda says:

              Really? They lost hundreds of thousands, and their Ist. Division was as good as any of ours. It lasted three weeks surrounded by three NVA divisions and only surrendered when it ran out of water, food, and ammo. Our perfidy.

              • Thiago Ribeiro says:

                Maybe they should have fought for their country instead of making Americans fight for it. The Communists did not need Soviet hand-holding. The Communists, Army and Vietcong alike, fought for what they wanted. Meanwhile, America had to supply ever more resources and fresh American meat to defend petty generalissimo after generalissimo.

          • Eugine Nier says:

            Frankly part of me wants to see the pullout delayed just to spite Taleb.

            BTW, did anyone else notice the timing on when Taleb got into the IQ fight. Right after Trump announced the Syria pullout, i.e., as soon as Taleb got the only thing he actually wanted out of Trump.

      • Issac says:

        “harm to America’s national security that will happen as a result of him pulling out of Syria”

        Did you mean Israel? I’m unaware of any American security concerns in that particular region.

      • pyrrhus says:

        You mean harm to Israel’s acquisition plans, right? The US has not the slightest interest in overthrowing the Syrian government, quite the contrary.

      • ziel says:

        There are ex-CIA Directors, retired generals, national-security experts, Hillary Clinton herself! – all assuring us this will inflict serious damage on America – who are any of you to doubt them?

      • Hugh Mann says:

        “when I think of all the harm to America’s national security that will happen as a result of him pulling out of Syria”

        What harm? America shouldn’t be there in the first place (Obama said ‘no boots on the ground’ – he lied). What on earth is the US interest in keeping the place a jihadi-infested slaughterhouse, as it is now and would certainly be even more without Assad – see Libya for details? Is it Syria’s strategically vital sand reserves?

      • The Big Red Scary says:

        ” all the harm to America’s national security that will happen as a result of him pulling out of Syria”


    • HI says:

      And there, in a nutshell, two things that money can’t buy: humor, and good taste in women.

  3. mapman says:

    The surprising thing is that Bezo has not gone after some 25 years old beauty.

    • Ilya says:

      This! 18 to 28, would’ve been completely understandable.

    • Jokah Macpherson says:

      He probably has; just not to marry.

    • Maciano says:

      I read this a lot. I once had a significantly younger girlfriend and in a relationship it’s not so great.

      Young women have very different interests. You’re in the mood to go to Tiesto this weekend? Aching to hear endless talks about he-said-she-said drama? Want to go backpacking through Thailand or Australia? Women of your own age usually want a stable guy who can make them laugh; they want a family.

      My take is simple: too bad if you missed out on cheerleaders in highschool, now get the fuck over it.

      • Issac says:

        “Women of your own age usually want … a family.”

        That’s a cute anecdote, but biologically speaking a male over 30 will be exponentially for fit for reproduction than a woman of his own age (all else being equal). It might very well be that the average twenty-something is not the social or intellectual peer of a man twice her age, but if “family,” is your interest, rather than two dried up ovaries and a cat, you will set aside time to cope with hearing about the latest pop references.

        • pyrrhus says:

          No, he should be married to a younger woman if he wants a family…Younger, more fertile, more energy to cope with the kids…

        • Maciano says:

          what’s up with this hypercynicism? American men, on forums, overwhelmingly complain about women.

          Are there really no normal good women left? You know, nice-looking compatible girls should realistically exist aplenty. Hot babes of eternal youth are rarer, sure.

          Then again, this is not my fight.

          • Zeinish says:

            This happens to everyone when you find out that Hollywood movies are not real. Some get over it fast, some more slowly, some never.

          • Ilya says:

            You’re projecting. People aren’t complaining. They are noting biological reality of women vs men, vis-a-vis reproductive capacity and the predisposition of men to be attracted to younger women, all other things being equal.

            But, since you complained: yes, there is tremendous cultural gap between women of previous generations and today’s women, as well as geographically, and nothing to do with Hollywood. For instance, my Anglo-Russian grandmother is 93 years old and she still does more things at home than most American 20 year olds. Still has most of her hair and goes swimming thrice a week. Alright, bad example, too rare. My step-sister would work better though.

            Anyway: feminism is the death knell of society. Places it touched less are doing better. Taliban has been the best, and keeps fighting tooth and nail to preserve the only good thing they have in their rough existence, while we are trying to shove female emancipation up their butt — cause we know better, of course, and care so, so much. In Northeast America: it’s fem-queens and pet-moms with a side of libido killing anti-depressants — or whatever else the shrinks prescribe — and everyone and their dog seems to have a shrink these days. Flirting is rare — I don’t see much of it in college campuses. I do see too many shabby dressed chicks and incels trying to play it cool. The “rape crisis” is manufactured hysteria.

            Actually, since cultural norms have Progressed, it isnt merely the men who are frustrated, it’s the women: there isn’t enough General Butt Nakeds and Bill Clintons out there.

            Dysgenics shmishmenics. The gays seem to be happier than many straight people these days.

            • Woof says:

              My wife is a decade and a half younger than me and after many years and multiple kids together we are still happy. The secret is to control for morals and find someone who hasn’t drank the Kool-Aid of modern grievance theory. Simply watching the news together and pointing out the lies and ideological bullshit that are being spoon fed to us is a good place to start.

              • Maciano says:

                If it worked out, I’m happy for you.

                Not saying age differences can’t work, but difficulties increase. My grandfather married my grandmother in the 20s, she was 20yrs younger. Marriage was very good.

              • Frau Katze says:

                My father was 13 years older than my mother. She estimated that having her in old age added several years to his life (he had not led a particularly healthy lifestyle).

            • Tyson says:

              “Anyway: feminism is the death knell of society. Places it touched less are doing better. Taliban has been the best, and keeps fighting tooth and nail to preserve the only good thing they have in their rough existence.”

              Poor, poor Taliban. Feminists forced them to be terrorists. The crazies get funnier and funnier.

            • Frau Katze says:

              The crazy feminists might drive people to look favourably on Islam. Anything to shut them up.

    • biz says:


      Bezos’ current wife is more attractive, younger, and smarter than his new fling. New fling already has three kids by two different men.

      Bezos is the richest man in the world. He could nab a gorgeous 20 year old virgin if he wanted. That’s why you would break up a marriage. Yet he is giving it up for a 50 year old plastic surgery junky with two babydaddies.

      • Zeinish says:

        Hear the screeching when the ship of your ideology meets the iceberg of reality. Predictable, but still amusing.

        • Ilya says:

          Insane, inane, and preaching both. A man of even a portion of means of Bezos could arrange for women and liaisons internationally… if he actually wanted it, that is.

          Heck, with the money Bezos has he could maintain (under plausible cover and with occasional extra enforcement and sugar) a whole harem somewhere in Indonesia, with imported nubile girls from several countries, all accepted after being vetted. And more: quite a few resulting children of his own stock, getting great education (without the leftist programming). Maybe with a real eunuch or two even. Indonesia would benefit from Bezos no less than Africa from Bill Gates, all while doing something genuinely more useful for the longterm future of humanity.

          Gates, Zuckerberg (I’ve listened to both and that’s my strong impression), and Bezos are true system-believers and, likely, do not even dare to dream to obtain anyone younger than 35, once they go past 50. Post-marriage, won’t dare to approach a woman, period. So much for all the business, tech acumen, and IQ.

          Btw, Musk and Brin seem healthier. Nothing, of course, as compared to Trump.

          Via Zuckerberg and Bezos, on display is another effect of Western feminism, normalized: it reduces men to mental cuckolds — if not actually then normatively — starting at early age, in any matter that’s matrimony related. Moreover, if one disagrees with the nonsense, must be all hushed up about it, while trying to navigate the tempest. And if one dares to openly say, much less do, otherwise? There is always a true-believer comrade, or a crowd of them, “helpful” white knights always appearing from somewhere — to check privilege and fix the shamefully corrupt “moral compass.” Or to snicker with snarky in their snot.

          • Zeinish says:

            Of course. Your theory exactly predicts what people want and do.
            If people want different things they should want, if they do differnet things they shall be doing, clearly they are brainwashed, manipulated, suffering from false consciousness, because your theory is right.

            • Maciano says:

              I don’t get how this manosphere nonsense manages to survive, but like women studies there’s a) demand for it and b) exists beyond reason.

              All these happily married men? Ha! They’re loser betas who can’t get a young girl. All Hollywood brainwash…

            • Frogman says:

              What’s your point? A third of Americans are obese, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea or that I’m obligated to respect them.

            • Ilya says:

              False consciousness? I agree. Sure, why not! In the same way that communists kept telling people how happy they should feel about the Soviet system and the soon-to-come age of true equality and brotherhood , all while treating them as cattle.

              Progressives and feminists are progressive and female-loving in the same way as communists turned out to be pro-communal.

              Comrade, I lived in Russia till late teens and, moreover, my family had lived there for generations, with my father becoming a refusenik. (We, unlike many others, actually immigrated to Israel, even though we ended up living in Russia again, in the mid-90’s). I know enough about false consciousness. More than you, likely.

              So, let’s reverse this. According to the new, more enlightened and truly true version of history, as recovered by BBC, there were Black people (aka BBCs, cause BBC is an inclusive corp) living in 14th century England. And all those stories about rich and powerful people throughout the world — since times immemorial — having multiple women/wives/concubines/lovers who bore them children? Chum, they are either pure fiction or these men must have suffered from false consciousness! Why stop here: how about men wanting young women and, when rich and powerful, getting young women, against the scorn of their older wives? Fiction or false consciousness, yet again! Or how about the fact: wherever pastoralism or agriculture beyond primitive horticulture is practiced and Christianity/Western NGOs are relatively weak, polygyny (for powerful/rich men) is an accepted practice? These men, too, must be suffering from false consciousness or they simply don’t exist.

              • Zeinish says:

                Why shall I deny that ancient kings with large harems existed? They were real, and Jeff Bezos is also real, despite the fact that his life drives some anonymous voice on the internet into foaming rage.

                I apologize, the whole thing is not theory for you, it seems to be a religion. Strange religion, bizarre inversion of ascetic cult, where having as much sex as possible is the highest moral duty and missing an opportunity for nookie is the supreme sin.
                Keep your faith. If it is your way to salvation, who am I to dissuade you?

              • Ilya says:

                having as much sex as possible is the highest moral duty and missing an opportunity for nookie is the supreme sin.

                This is not my religion. But: in Judaism, procreation is a man’s duty. Purposeless sex for just-nookie-sake — i.e. fornication — unless it results in either procreation or emotional closeness with one’s (legally-obtained) woman or, preferably, both — is actually a sin. Similar in Islam.

                But if you forced me to choose between a hypothetical religion where, all things equal, foregoing a nookie is a sin and a religion where a virtue-seeking man ought to castrate himself, be it physically or metaphorically: I’d choose the former.

              • Zeinish says:

                This is not my religion. But: in Judaism, procreation is a man’s duty.


                A man is obliged to have children but a woman is not. This duty is considered fulfilled when a man has both a boy and a girl.

                According to some authorities, a man who is infertile can fulfill the mitzvah of procreation through adoption. This ruling is based on the dictum in the Talmud that raising an orphan in one’s house is equivalent to giving birth to a child. The effort involved in adoption, suggests Dayan Abramsky, is equivalent to the effort of childbirth.

                Jeff Bezos is not Jewish, but if he was, he would be just fine. Duty fulfilled, mission accomplished.

                religion where a virtue-seeking man ought to castrate himself

                Cite some feminist representative that asks for men to be castrated.
                The castration thing was just personal fetish of Scott Alexander, and even he wimped out at the end and didn’t do it.

          • Tanturn says:

            What normies seek more than anything, even sex, is the respect of those around them. If Bezos moved to Indonesia to live with his harem, he’d give up that. He’d know intellectually that his former friends are just jealous,* but emotionally, he’d still want their approval. It’s the crab mentality, similar to why many betas marry the “former” sluts because it’s what their friends are doing, or why many ghetto kids refuse to “act White.” With Trump it’s different because he surrounds himself with a different kind of people, those who will applaud his adventures. The moral of the story is to seek out peers who want what’s best for you, not those who want to drag you down to their level.

            *It’s not like the cucks care about preserving the traditional family. They are proudly amoral, until they see something they don’t like.

            • Ilya says:

              My favorite anecdote is of Scott Aaronson considering self-castration in his teen years, in order to be allowed to peacefully engage in his studies, without the denounciation associated with the risk of committing the sin of being a male.

              Yes, you can probably still find it in his blog.

    • Thersites says:

      If I had been a Cheater
      with a giant pile of dough
      I’d have nabbed a blooming damsel
      With youthful skin aglow.
      But Bezos is a Cheater
      And about to separate
      Ceding billions for a mistress
      Beyond her sell-by date.

      (Apologies to G.K. Chesterton).

  4. Divorce lawyers should be herded into pens and then put on conveyor belts that take them to the rotating knives in the abbatoir. I’m not sure what the collective noun is for that. But I know what the collective response would be

  5. jbbigf says:

    “he has ability and has built something useful.”

    What is this “useful” thing of which you speak?

  6. Revyen says:

    What’s your beef with Bezos?

  7. dearieme says:

    Alas, there are spoilsport historians who suspect that the Neronian persecutions didn’t happen.

  8. Parzival79 says:

    Legions. See the table for “Orc-hosts, Orc-armies, Orc-legions, Auxiliaries and Allies” here:

  9. Thiago Ribeiro says:

    It is sad to see American families falling apart and America’s social fabric being torn. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his family?

  10. Jacob says:

    Trick question, they’re organized into the Horah.

  11. sterling sorbet says:

    I think after your first billion polygyny seems so natural.

  12. For some reason phalanxes of divorce lawyers put me in mind of the manager class in Douglas Adams’s “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.”

     "And the wheel," said the Captain, "what about this wheel thingy? It sounds a terribly interesting project."
    "Ah," said the marketing girl, "well, we're having a little difficulty there."
    "Difficulty?" exclaimed Ford. "Difficulty? What do you mean, difficulty? It's the single simplest machine in the entire Universe!"
    The marketing girl soured him with a look.
    "All right, Mr. Wiseguy," she said, "you're so clever, you tell us what color it should be."
  13. BB753 says:

    His lover is older than his wife! What’s wrong with Bezos? Sexting his junk and then writing creepy messages like this one: “I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon,”

    Then watch some pictures of his new flame. You’d think he could do better with a 100 billion dollars and an unlimited supply of Viagra.

    He’s no Casanova. Once a loser in love, always a loser.

    • Frau Katze says:

      All I care about is that his company, Amazon, is very good at doing what it does. The site is easy to navigate and use. I’m a regular user.

      I’m not interested in his personal life. He hasn’t committed any crimes, AFAIK.

      I don’t why this new woman is his new interest but it’s a lot less outrageous that French President Macron married to his former high school teacher, who is old enough to be his mother.

      • Ilya says:

        Macron is suspected to be a closet gay. Perhaps, it makes it less outrageous :-). Ok, ok… Either way, Micron got the hots for her as a teen and married her while a relative nobody— or rather a kind of a nobody for most people, other than for fellow Euro bureaucrats.

        Hey, I, too, once had hots for a woman a decade older than me, in my earlish 20s, so I can understand some of it. It is more difficult to understand why he married her when she was already past 50 (!) and, even more difficult, why he, if he loved her so much as to actually marry her past her 50, had never put even one kid in her before that (they could do in-vitro). Alternatively, he could always love and maintain her as a friend, but not marry her. So, the gay theory has legs. More than two, maybe.

        But Bezos had already become a famous multibillionaire — long before the time he dated that Mexican grandma who is older and less pretty than his wife, if probably better in bed. So, it is natural for people (men!) to criticize him harshly, since he is normalizing low-status behavior, as a high-status male.

        And… I mean, of course: think of the children!!!

      • Ilya says:

        Oh, and another tiny lil’ thing: Bezos and that Mexican woman committed ADULTERY with respect to that Mexican’s husband. In most sane cultures, it would be death penalty. If adultery alone isnt outrageous, then current Western culture is doomed.

        • Frau Katze says:

          We know it’s doomed. But it’s doomed the way Rome was. Rome fell politically but not culturally. The Germanic hordes wanted to be Romans.

          Rome is still very much with us culturally.

          Same with the West. Half the world wants to live here, rather like the Roman situation.

          The only real pushback is coming from Islamic fanatics. But I doubt that in the long run they can generate enough new fanatics.

  14. Pop says:

    “offer the possibility of a spectacle that will live forever”

    Nah, just a rerun of Prince Charles, high status man pathetically in love with an old lady whose personality and kinks are in perfect alignment.

    Full transcript of the “I wish I were your tampon” conversation here:

    Just wondering, was the “2nd HQ” thing about moving out of a community property state long enough to get out of the rule? And maybe wifey figured this out and started the divorce now? Texas was always the most logical place for HQ2, but it is, like Washington, one of the nine community property states where the wife gets half. Instead, NY and VA, both of which are not. Here’s the full list:
    New Mexico

  15. Greying Wanderer says:

    i’d picture divorce lawyers more as camp followers – going out after the battle to murder the wounded and take their stuff.

  16. Dan Danielson says:

    That reminds me of something I read long ago:

    Paris of Troy came in secret to Sparta and abducted Helen, the most beautiful woman in the world. When her husband, King Menelaus, learned of the crime, he did what any red-blooded Achaean warrior would: he filed a lawsuit.

    Mighty and dreadful were the ranks of his lawyers, for he ransacked all the vast treasuries of golden Sparta for attorneys’ fees. To lead these hosts, he called upon great Agamemnon, son of Atreus, prince of the Bar Association of all Greece. So heavy was his briefcase that ten normal men could not lift it; so strong his glasses that they struck lesser men blind. Behind him marched the ten thousand lawyers of Mycenae, intelligent men all, each bearing gold-plated pens and wallets of real leather.

    From Ithaka came wily Odysseus the divorce lawyer, who read law briefs as effortlessly as other men read newspapers. Close behind followed Diomedes, master of the closing argument, and mighty Ajax, whose fees could bankrupt entire villages. Next there arrived ancient Nestor and the lawyers of Pylos, clad in Arcadian polyester and fat with take-out meals.

    Last of all came god-like Achilles, son of Thetis the sea-nymph. Proudly he came, clad in the custom-tailored suit fashioned by Hephaestus, craftsman of the gods, and upon his tie were painted scenes from the all great court cases of history. Here one could see Plessy debating Fergusen, and there, surrounded by a chorus of monkeys, Clarence Darrow gave his closing argument against William Jennings Bryan. Upon its bottom was the fearsome face of Rhadamanthus, judge of the Underworld, glaring balefully at the wincing image of O.J. Simpson.

    And so it goes on…

  17. rjjcda says:

    Rumor is that his infidelities were known to his wife for years, and divorce will be attempt to split assets ahead of confiscation.

  18. JRM says:

    Trial by combat would make legal battles much more entertaining.

  19. Thagomizer says:

    Given that there’s an 100 billion estate, each law office is going to want to run up about 10 billion in fees.

    How is that even possible? Hire every divorce lawyer licensed in the state? Take over all the best steakhouses for a year? Buy buildings to house all of the lawyers and PIs?

    • Hugh Mann says:

      A thought – what if, in revenge, Bezos decides to create Amazon Divorce Lawyers Inc – an almost wholly online operation (video meetings etc) bar the occasional court appearance.

      Has he got enough money to undercut every divorce lawyer in the US? Even I might cheer for that. And I’ll laugh hysterically if the grunt-work is done by people in India on $50 a week.

      • Frau Katze says:

        Definitely outsourced to India. The Brits stayed there so long that that Anglo law system became somewhat embedded in the subcontinent. So now there are plenty of people in India familiar enough to do a lot of grunt work.

        As a counter example, such work could not be outsourced to China.

  20. dearieme says:

    Mr Bezos seems to share some DNA with frogs.

  21. ThoseSicklesThough says:

    Neumann died of cancer at merely 53 years old.
    Though I wouldn’t assume an overly dominant genetic component for his IQ? Some kind of ‘just right’- overdose of testosterone in the womb resulting in savantism without autism, maybe?
    His daughter is still alive, though no longer an active part of the Illuminati (jk, but that biography just screams ‘world government’). So, it’s not obvious, that she’s facing any problems, but she’s merely the Martian’s daughter, not the Martian himself, although an incredibly accomplished woman in her own right. Her two children are bright PHD types, but they don’t set the world on fire or even have warranted a wiki entry yet.

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