Nowadays, inspired by programs like CSI and NCIS, many students want to become some sort of forensic scientist. The problem is that are very few such jobs. I have heard that there are something like 20 times more forensics graduates than openings. This is not really caused by an overall shortage of crimes, more by a shortage of interesting crimes. When some dirtbag stabs his old lady, after beating the shit out of her for years, caught while still gripping the bloodstained murder weapon, who needs CSI?
Or (adding a little local Albuquerque color) when some upstanding local citizen stabs and beats his mother and her boyfriend, puts them in the trunk of her car, then drives to the Central Avenue Bridge and throws them both into the river in broad daylight – because voices from the TV told him that they were clones – maybe you don’t need someone wearing a dog collar to solve the case.
Clearly forensics graduates would benefit from an increased number of sophisticated crimes.
The solution is obvious. Just as one lawyer in a small town starves, while two wax fat, we need to teach our budding malefactors how to take things to a higher level, and commit interesting crimes. The courses – naturally, massively online courses, with a worldwide audience – would teach crooked accounting, undetectable poisons, and safecracking. There would be courses on simple and advanced cons, everything from the badger game and the Spanish prisoner to impersonating the Time Police. The curriculum would include language courses (thieves’ cant), and practical cryptography – why don’t the bad guys use PGP? There would be tutorials on how to create substances that greatly resemble the ash residue of certain tobaccos, and seminars on hiding bodies. Many existing courses on forensics and law enforcement would be cross-listed.
Forensics majors could finally make use of their training, and many would go back for graduate school. We’d have new (for-profit) journals covering research in dark-side forensics and law enforcement. Many tenure-track positions would be created! The Mob would finally have a good reason to send their scions to Harvard – you can be sure that the Ivy League would not lag behind. I wonder what buildings would be named after them…
With the greatly increased demand for minions and consulting detectives, unemployment would disappear.